Because I love you love you love you
Because I love you love you love you
Because I love you love you love you
Oh Because I…Because I
Take me by the hand
and tell there’s no evening to our daybreak
Help me understand
i’m sitting and sorting out the pieces
Because I love you love you love you
Because I love you love you love you
Because I love you love you love you
I lay here in abandon as you lay your hand on me.
So gentle, like I am the last living butterfly on earth.
And you know, just as the butterfly, I can disappear just as quickly.
So content at the moment. So not ready for tomorrow.
I want to stay in this minute, place, time, feeling forever.
I think, what more can be added to this bittersweet perfection?
Your dazzling eyes, staring straight in to mine.
They glimmer in the small hint of stars peeking through the curtains.
I feel as though you see my soul.
I know I can see yours.
And it is beautiful.
i recently discovered those caverns deep inside me.
they are completely empty and i know i am just waiting for something to fill them.
i am dazed by effervescent fluid that i see flowing through your veins. is it really blood?
i am dazzled by the intense devotion in your gaze. i don’t think you’re really staring at me.
maybe a different version. a happier one, a sillier one, a better one.
but not this shit me: this one that thinks so poorly of herself, is aware of it, and doesn’t try to stop.
don’t blame it on the tetons. their words are simple and slow. the alcohol is intoxicating again.
the drunkenness conflicts decisions. my mind’s eye has abandoned vision and i think the elderly are wanting to speak to me now.
it’s a bad time for this nonsense. can’t i just accept that you are gone?
and most certainly not mine.
still transfixed and by now abused by the hypnotic replication of supernovas in your eyes, or is it just me imagining things?
you’re an idiot, but i’m broken. you think you’re lost and i’m outspoken.
the alcohol is tricking you again. i don’t believe you.
again.
so take me full and ready. you won’t be able to convince me so smoothly again.
Don’t you think it’s peculiar how the eyes reflect what they see?
Revealing to you the secrets they tuck in so deep…
Never care to see the truth innocently laid out.
it’s sticky and stuck
and how I long for it to be out
lodged in a corner too small for its mass. and it looms
its impending consequences strike fear in all other vowels and consonants trying to climb out.
it isn’t allowed in the open air.
that would be a countenance not worth facing.
that would be a second not worth living.
but how free would I be? to let the words fly through the hallways and linger on the windowsills?
traveling daintily on the wind, it would let go and spring forth to its destination.
I know the world shouldn’t stop me from expressing myself.
oppressive to no ends, the stares and the fears of disappointment.
but how would it feel to feel?
even just for a moment…
The world twists and turns around me
Nothing seems to be straight
I step into my personal field of hurt
I step right through that gate
I don’t understand why I am in this place
I’ve done nothing wrong
But it is still around me
killing me softly with its song
I scream with pain and desperation
“I’m as same as the others!” I say
~ But maybe not ~ a thought convinces me
I look in the mirror and stare at the pain
There was no point in hiding now
My reflection was clear and true
Innocence passed by my shoulder at that minute
It reflected as a statue
Stoic, gray, never changing
As old as the sun is bright
My warped eyes saw nothing
Just a simple butterfly.
Why won’t the world just leave me alone?
I gave it my all. What do I owe?
I want to just spend this one night at home.
I may be thinking of you. Thinking of you.
But it doesn’t mean I feel all alone.
I may be thinking of me. Thinking of me with you.
But it doesn’t mean that I am lonely.
I hope I’m not the only one.
I know I’m not the only one.
Yet the stars make me feel young and innocent. I know I’m everything but.
Don’t let me run too far down the path. Don’t let me get too far away. Because my fingers are itching to press the buttons that convince you to stay.
“It’s times like these we learn to live again.”
It’s times like these when I wish living was a sin.
there’s no place i can run from my memories
there’s no time i can jump to where i’m safe
and there’s no thing that wasn’t changed
altered and heart broken i stay
there’s no angle from which i can’t see it
there’s no dream that i haven’t dreamt
there’s no person who could’ve loved me
the way you did.
the way you kept me moving
searching, wondering, where the next step was
always looking for your glance
searching and never finding what i was looking for
in a perpetual state of waiting.
in a momentary never after.
don’t know what i’m looking for
i don’t know what i’m looking for
I’m
Beaten, Battered, Shattered:
I’ve lost my will.
My determination……………gone.
Yes, Beaten, Battered, Shattered:
My heart-honey sucked dry.
Won’t you come be with me?
Be with me tonight.
Beaten, Battered, Shattered:
Don’t make me stand up for myself.
I’ve lost my will - my will to be my own.
Beaten, Battered, Shattered,
Like a puppet on a string.
My puppeteer doesn’t know how to polish my splintered heart.
Beaten, Battered, Shattered.
My legs lost their power.
I’m fumbling on the floor.
Pushing my feet to move forward.
Pushing my hands into space.
Holding close to what I can grab.
Beaten. Battered. Shattered.
And we’re both running in circles. Oh, I’m always the one to fall.
My mouth is bleeding.
I don’t want to feel like this again.
My mouth is bleeding.
I feel bitten and mutilated alive.
My mouth is bleeding.
I say these words like I throw up bile.
My mouth is bleeding.
And I am waiting for it to stop.
My mouth is bleeding.
I want someone to get me up but I’ll hate you if you do.
My mouth is bleeding.
Yet again, I am eaten by anxiety.
My mouth is bleeding.
One sanctuary for the weak.
I have this intense desire to reach out and touch your able body,
To feel the fabric of your soul between my fingertips.
Oh how fruitful a meeting could be!
How our joining of inevitability could finally scorch my burning longings
These dreams that are so close to nightmares -
The lullabies too close to the sounds of human torture -
Oh, how they haunt me so.
Oh how they turn me into a wily feind.
They haunt me like premonitions of my passionate demise.
i thought that you loved me.
it turns out that you loved that i was there.
i thought that you needed me.
i found out that you needed someone to need you.
i was convinced you were proud of me.
i soon saw that you were simply sucking up.
i was positive you cared about.
it became obvious that you were toying with my affections.
i thought that you loved me.
so i broke out my sword and cut your heart in half.
i thought that you needed me.
so i hung you in the branches of your favorite tree.
i was convinced you were proud of me.
so i quickly made sure that you would never see the smiles of your own children.
i was positive you cared about me.
so i chopped off your comforting hands.
i thought that you loved me,
but you didn’t.
my life is about the possibilities that i never encounter
my life is about every twist that i never turned on
my life is about the shield i put up whenever someone speaks to me
my life is about how much i try everyday
my life is about pretending; i may be a terrible actress, but it’s because i am too busy pretending to be “me”
my life is about those obstacles that i go around rather than through
my life is about taking the fast road rather than enjoying the scenic back ways
my life is about the changes i always say i am going to make but never do
my life is about getting through it
my life never is about loving you
my life never is about letting people in
my life never is about basking in the sun
my life never is about staring at the stars
my life never is about wandering the paths i’ve never traveled
my life is about secrets
my life is about lifting others up while i am holding my life down
There are strings, the ones in which my body is sown up.
Those strings are being pulled out in a painful slowness.
Inch by inch.
From the inside out, the strings are cutting. They burn as they are taken from the holes where they have remained for years.
And from the inside out, I can feel myself slowly falling apart.
Bit by bit.
Piece by piece.
Each deliberate tug lets another part of me go.
My skin is hollow. Solely bones lie within.
when i feel it close around me there’s only one place that i’m going.
so down, so far down, so desperate;
there’s one place where i’m going,
where the walls close in around me -
trapped in a fool’s paradise.
it doesn’t matter to me - what kind of man that you are.
and the feeling keeps creeping around,
hunting for the demon that’s half off the ground.
and where do i run to when there’s no place left to hide?
the timbers are slowly tumbling, but trapped like a movie still -
the picturesque nightmare.
my only soldier,
we’re frozen, standing here.
and there’s no place left to run when the world collapses around you.
yes, there’s no place left to run when the earth is bare and cold.
and the diamonds in our skin - the crystals in our eyes,
they mean nothing when there’s nothing and no hope to survive.
